Date: December 10, 2004
December 10.2004
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Long-time list members know that occasionally I ask you to pray for someone or something brought up by another list member. There is a power in prayer I can't rationally describe, but have experienced, and a special power when large numbers of prayer warriors hit their knees together. So today I bring before you a request by list member Debra M., whose family's health is suffering and they face a challenging week ahead. Her mother has Parkinson's Disease which is steadily growing worse and is now afflicted by another neurological problem causing her distress and has several tests scheduled for next week; her father will be undergoing tests to determine if the cancer he beat a year ago has returned; and her uncle is having back surgery for the sixth time; the last time an infection nearly killed him. Now there is an "inexplicable aura present on his MRI." To top it all off, Debra is in the midst of a decision regarding a career change and additional education.
You folks are awesome when it comes to
this stuff and both Debra and I thank you for the intercession on her behalf.
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I realize bringing in an element to make you laugh at this junction seems anti-climactic and a jarring change of pace, but hey, it's what I do. For this week's Flint Friday Funny, I bring to you some "what if" marriages.
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UNLIKELY MARRIAGES
If Yoko Ono had married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton had married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.
If Tuesday Weld married Frederic March's grandson, she'd be Tuesday March the Third.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Totie Fields married Truman Capote, she'd be Totie Capote.
How about Whoopi Goldberg and Peter Cushion? Whoopi Cushion.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him and married Herman Munster, she'd be Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then left him for Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Bebe Neuwirth married Peter Gunn, she'd be Bebe Gunn.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, but things didn't work out so she then married Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
[Joe's Clean Laffs with an occasionally arranged marriage by Mark Raymond]
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As 2004 begins to seriously wind down, what were some of your best moments from this year? What lessons did you learn from the ones that weren't so good? What one thing can you improve upon in 2005?
No need to share your answers, unless that's something you want. I'm just getting the year-end juices flowing. Until next Friday, everybody be good to one another.
Mark
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WEB SITE of the WEEK: McDonald's, that elder bastion of the burger biz, is making a concerted effort at staying fresh with their marketplace competition ... which includes their Internet presence. They've added a pretty neat little application to their website, called "Bag A McMeal." You select the menu items you want, add them to your "bag," then click "Get the Nutrition Facts" and a handy chart pops up with the results of what you've just put into your body ... or are thinking about putting into it. Play around with it and find a combination of foods that you enjoy but are also ones that won't make every cardiologist in the vicinity cringe. You'll find it at http://app.mcdonalds.com/bagamcmeal.
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Mark Raymond. To keep the snow from sticking to
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I promise - I really, really, really, cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-live - promise
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use it for any kind of unsolicited marketing purpose.
You can forward or reprint the Flint Friday Funny freely but please keep the credits attached. Let that be your promise back to me. Original material and commentary © 2004 by Mark Raymond for the Flint Friday Funny. My personal mission statement is - umm, let me check - yup, it's still John 3:30. Mele Kalikimaka is the Hawaiian way to say Merry Christmas ... at least that's what Bing Crosby told me.
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QUOTE of the WEEK: "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person." (Mignon McLaughlin)
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