ON FOOD

A little snack bar located near the first nuclear test site called itself "Fission Chips."

A mother once put a firecracker under her pancakes so she could blow her stack.

Can a chef from India curry favor?

If I put vinegar in my ear, would I get pickled hearing?

I'm overweight. I don't know how it happened. It just sort of snacked up on me.

Sign in a restaurant window: "Eat now ... pay waiter."

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No diet will ever remove all the fat from your brain because the brain is entirely fat. Now, without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.  (Covert Bailey, Fitness Expert)

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At a dinner party a guest hurriedly pulled the host aside and whispered, "Do lemons have feathers?" The host replied, "No, I don't think so." At this point the guest looked embarrassed and quietly said, "I'm afraid I've squeezed your canary into my drink."

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A man walks into a bakery carrying a pie box. He walks up to the counter and says, "I want my money back. I bought this pie here yesterday."

The clerk says, "Very good sir," and takes the pie box. But when he opens it, the box is empty. "Where is the pie, sir?"

"I ate it. ALL of it!" the man exclaims.

"Then I fail to see why you should get your money back, sir," the clerk says.

At this point the man grabs the box and points. "See here," he says. "It's supposed to feed six people! I am not six people!"

While resourcing today's post, I ran across a little item explaining that most of America's supermarkets owe their design to an experiment conducted by the U.S. Department of Agriculture in 1964. They set up test supermarkets in three states where the perishable items (milk, bread, meat, fruit) were in the middle aisles and the non-perishable items (canned and packaged foods) were on the perimeter.

Consumers purchased 33 percent fewer goods with this layout and bought drastically less coffee and pretzels/chips but were more likely to purchase citrus fruits. The study concluded that it is the distance a shopper walks and not the time spent shopping that determines how much is spent. Since then supermarkets have all been designed to insure shoppers must walk the maximum distance possible and, preferably, through the entire store in order to ensure a higher dollar amount is spent.

Which explains why milk is always at the back of the darn place.

Y'all be good to one another until next week, okay?

WEB SITE of the WEEK: Here's something a little interesting for those of you who really want to get away from it all. You can purchase your own private island at http://www.vladi-private-islands.de/home_e.html. You'll need at least a million dollars or more. However, you can also rent your own private island for considerably less money. For just $643 - or 500 euros - you can rent the lovely little Forsyth Island in New Zealand, complete with accommodations at the Paruparu Lodge, though you have to provide your own food. There are islands and deals like this all over the world.

You can forward or reprint this post freely but please keep the credits attached; they're an important part of what makes this thing work. Original material and commentary © 2004 by Mark Raymond for the Flint Friday Funny. My personal mission statement is John 3:30. My plans for this post are deep and wide, but my time availability is shallow and thin.