Date: October 29, 2004
October 29.2004
My last post for the month of October. Must start getting used to thinking and writing 2-0-0-5. Only 56 more shopping days until Christmas, folks.
And for those of you who live in Daylight Savings Time states, don't forget to set your clocks back an hour before you go to bed Saturday night. Otherwise church on Sunday morning could be a lonely, lonely, place for about an hour.
And oh yes, we have a president to elect this coming Tuesday. If you live in the States, please exercise your American privilege and vote!
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TOP 10 SIGNS YOU WON'T BE ELECTED PRESIDENT
10. Your running mate is you, with a wig and glasses.
9. Your cellmate won't even support you.
8. You've somehow developed a reputation as "the candidate that's always drooling."
7. Your presidential debate was with a mannequin.
6. You've been on Jerry Springer. Cross-dressed.
5. Vegas bookmakers are giving better odds that Ted Kennedy will become a Republican.
4. You're called a "frightening extremist" by Rush Limbaugh.
3. Your biggest campaign pledge is washing your socks regularly. At least weekly.
2. Your campaign headquarters doubles as your Mom's sewing room.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU WON'T BE ELECTED PRESIDENT?
1. The voters keep asking you for a refill on their Big Gulp®.
[David Letterman's Top 10 with edits and rewrites by Mark Raymond]
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Speaking of 7-11, they're having an "unofficial, unscientific" poll on the election based on coffee consumption. They have a pro-Bush coffee cup and a pro-Kerry cup. As of this writing, the convenience chain has sold 51.1% Bush cups to 48.9% Kerry cups. Keep tabs on this as the race winds down at http://www.7-eleven.com/7-Election/.
Well, until next Friday and November, y'all treat each other well.
Mark
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WEB SITE of the WEEK: Some say elections are won with money. Whichever candidate spends the most on advertising wins. I don't know about that, but I do know a little more about money, thanks to www.moneyfactory.com. This site, run by the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, is not only a primer on the country's currency, but a refresher course, an in-depth look, and a trivia warehouse. Did you know that at one time this country produced a $10,000 bill? It featured the likeness of Salmon Chase. The home page currently features all of the new bells and whistles on the recently released $50 currency.
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You can forward or reprint this post freely but please keep the credits attached, your feet on the ground, and some money in the bank. Original material and commentary © 2004 by Mark Raymond for the Flint Friday Funny. My personal mission statement is John 3:30. The Red Sox won! The Red Sox won!
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QUOTE of the WEEK: "We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a
candidate." (Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard)
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